Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: A Writer’s Rollercoaster of Fear and Resilience

THE ROLLERCOASTER OF TRANSPARENCY

Blame my therapist for the rant I am about to take you on. Put your seatbelts on and stow your tray tables. The ride is going to get bumpy.

Let’s unload the baggage, shall we?

Starting with imposter syndrome — the catalyst for my emotional rollercoaster for several weeks. Let’s go back… way back!

CONFERENCE HIGHS, PANIC LOWS

I attended the Atlanta Writers Conference at the end of October (and if you were signed up for my newsletter you would know that… now, wouldn’t you? The link is below if you find my guilt trip effective).

 Lo and behold, I came out of it with four manuscript requests, two best pitch awards a few friends all with names that start with J, and one thing I didn’t vie for – the panic that the agents, editors, and writers would find out that I’m a fraud.

When I should’ve been sleeping dreaming about my future book club interview with Oprah, I was up.  Fearful, I was going to see myself on FOX 5’s 11 O’clock News. They’d post a picture of me from ‘04 with my midriff out and low-cut jeans—the headline: LITERARY SCAMMER! Her victims are seeking justice—please call the hotline to report vigilante sightings.

Picturing myself jumping from roof to roof with the manuscript requests and best pitch awards clenched between my fist is an entertaining visual.

 Ok, back to the news.

WRITING THROUGH FEAR

I was sick. There were no words my husband could say to ease the queasy feeling in my gut.

When I got home, I didn’t want to touch my manuscript as I made a promise to myself a long time ago to never inflict my emotional instability onto her. She’s been through enough. But I had a due date that I could not miss.

After typing THE END, for the fifth time, I closed my laptop and I’ve spent the last several weeks away from her. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that writing is emotional. If your mind is preoccupied in your fear or your imposter syndrome, your writing will suffer. It won’t be bad, but it will not be you. And what could be worse than that?

FINDING THE JOY AGAIN

I am doing better. I have been reading all the Toni Morrison I can get my hands on. Speaking of emotional writing. Toni was the ONE, Ok? I’ve also been picking up more Women’s Fiction to read not only as a reader but as a writer.

I’ve taken classes (writing on a line level and micro fiction generative workshops) as well as applied for a writing certification program. Call Jesus on the mainline on behalf of your girl, please and thank you!

I am continuing to blog. I have another publication credit to add to my query letter bio. YAY!

But the biggest thing I can do during this time is recenter my thoughts. Remember my journey and the call that brought me here. And reconnect with joy and my loved ones during this holiday season. Today, I am going to finally hang the wreath that’s been staring at me. I may even hang a stocking or two from the fireplace with care -- turn on the Temptations.

Most importantly, I am throwing my imposter syndrome in the fireplace. RIght before I roast my chestnuts.